5 Things to Do Before Having Sex When You Live With Pelvic Pain

We always prep before going out on a date. That might include shaving certain parts of our body, making sure we smell nice, wearing that cute underwear (whatever your jam is)… but what about prepping before being intimate with someone?

When you live with pelvic pain, sex can come with a whole mix of emotions: anxiety, pressure, fear, and maybe even grief. But it can also be a space of pleasure, curiosity, and connection — if you take the time to support your body and nervous system beforehand.

Here are five things you can do for yourself before you do the horizontal dance with someone new (or familiar) — especially if you’re navigating sex and pelvic pain.

1. Use Your Breath to Support Sex and Pelvic Pain Relief

Welcome. You now know you’re in Penny’s space — because I will not stop talking about the breath. 💨

Your breath is a powerful tool that regulates your nervous system, and relaxes and creates movement in your pelvic floor. If you’re feeling tense (mentally, emotionally, energetically, or physically) before intimacy, come back to your breath.

• Feeling disconnected? Use your breath to ground.

• Feeling your pelvic floor clenching up? Use your breath to create space, and soften.

• Spinning in your thoughts? Use your breath to return to your body.

Your breath is a key. Don’t forget it. Want to explore how your breath can transform your relationship with your pelvis and your pain? Come join us inside the Pelvic Health Yoga Membership — where we use breath-led movement to create safety, softness, and lasting relief.

2. Set Boundaries That Support You

We all need different boundaries. One of mine? No sex after alcohol.

When you live with pelvic pain, you’ve probably heard this classic line from a doctor:“Just have a glass of wine before sex to help with the pain.”

Yeah… not a great recommendation. Not only does that create a disconnect from your body, it also can lead to a weird relationship with alcohol and intimacy.

In my early 20s, I’d get totally blasted and then have sex. These days, I’ve drawn a boundary: if I’ve had alcohol — I’m not having sex. Especially with a new partner.(If it's someone I trust, sure, things might look different. But the boundary stands.)

Alcohol numbs your sensations. It keeps you from actually feeling — pleasure, safety, connection. And your nervous system deserves better than that.

3. Check In With Attraction — Not Just “Shoulds”

Ask yourself: Do I really want to have sex with this person? Or do I just feel like I “should”?

So many of us with pelvic pain carry shame or pressure. We might think: “If I was normal, I’d want sex. So I guess I should just do it.”

But here’s your permission slip to pause and check in. You don’t owe your body — or your pleasure — to anyone. You’re allowed to feel into your own desire.

When your nervous system feels safe and your body feels genuinely attracted, that’s when intimacy can actually feel good.

4. Tools That Can Make Sex Easier When You Live With Pelvic Pain

Bring your tools into the bedroom (or couch, kitchen, wherever your vibe is). 🔥

• Use your wand — whether solo or with a partner. It’s not “too clinical.” It’s supportive.

• Use lube — and not just any lube. What kind of lube does your body love? Water-based? Silicone? Something natural?

• Check your condoms — latex may not agree with your body, and generic brands often contain ingredients that cause irritation.

You deserve products that support your pleasure, not work against it.

5. Reminders to Bring With You

Whether you call them affirmations or just loving truths, take these with you:

✨ Your vulva is beautiful ✨ You are worthy of pleasure ✨ Anyone who gets to be with you is lucky ✨ You are a goddess

And no matter what you’re navigating right now, look at how resilient your body is. The more you support it — the more it will support you right back.

Stay radiant, Pennt