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Healing isn't linear

If there was one feeling that could describe your pelvic pain, what would it be?

Frustration, sadness, anger, confused? (I know, there are so many – how can you pick just one?).

I find it easier to control my pain now a days than I used to. In a way, it doesn’t bother me as much anymore. Or, I am not in much pain and discomfort, whether that is mentally or physically, it is always a win.

However, I’m not immune to the evilness of living with chronic pelvic pain (Imagine the scene from the shinning with Jack Nicholson coming through the door with an ax). Yep. That’s how I imagine my pelvic pain if it was a person. And my feeling is hopelessness. It’s like a wave that just hits me. Out of fucking no where. Hopelessness. Is it even considered a feeling? Yes it is, I had to google it – welcome to Penny’s world.

Hopelessness: a feeling or state of despair; lack of hope.

You know when you watch a movie that makes the tears starts crawling? Yeah, it’s nothing like that. No no. It’s more like my eyes have just opened up a full on canal of tears. Full on balling, no holding back. In a way it’s like a sweet release. It’s like a wave. Do you sit in the feeling or do you try and work yourself out of it?

Depending on where you are on your journey, the feeling might be nice to sit in for a while. Acknowledge that it’s there. Ask it why it’s there? Is it just the pain or something else? In my experience though, at some point you probably want to get the hell out of there.

You decide when that time is. All our healing journey’s are different, and I invite you to not compare your journey to someone else’s.

Healing isn’t linear, and all your feelings are valid.

With love, Penny

PS. If you want tips on how to get yourself out of that state – check out the previous blog post.


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