Dating With Pelvic Pain: 5 Tips to Navigate Intimacy Your Way

Penny Petersson
Jul 28
3 min read

Living with pelvic pain can be HARD. Dating with pelvic pain? Perhaps even harder. Actually - let’s be honest - dating in general is hard. And for many of us (especially women), we’ve been taught to prioritize politeness over asking for what we want - especially when it comes to intimacy and pleasure.

Let’s stop that, shall we?

You are allowed to ask for what you want. With or without pain. In bed and out of bed.

I recently had a conversation with someone close to me about how we shrink ourselves when intimacy is on the table. We don’t want to be “a burden” or worry, “Will they still like me if I share this about my body?”

Here’s the truth: You are not your pain. You are more than your pain. But your pain is part of you - and if you're choosing to get intimate with someone, you deserve to feel safe enough to share that part too (if you want to).

This isn’t about focusing on your pain. It’s about creating space for your needs, too.

I always ask my partners what they like, what turns them on. I care about their pleasure. But I also care about mine. As I should. As you should too.

Here are 5 things to think about while dating with pelvic pain:

1. Communication is Your Superpower

Your partner won’t know what you like - or what you don’t like - unless you tell them. As much as we wish they could read our minds (bless them), we need to speak up.

Saying what you want is a radical act of self-care and self-trust. It tells your body:

“Hey, I’ve got you. You’re allowed to feel good.”

2. Boundaries Make Intimacy Better

Let’s reframe boundaries as invitations, not rejections. You can say:

“Tonight, I just want to make out—and that’s the end of it.”

That’s hot.

Open communication reduces pressure, especially when you're wondering, “Will my body cooperate tonight?”

Boundaries = safety + trust. And safety + trust = better sex (when and if you're ready for it).

3. Explore Your Own Desires First

I talk about this a lot on the podcast, but your pleasure practice matters. Nobody will ever know your body better than you. So explore it. Play. Take your time. You deserve that.

💡 Try this: Make a “pleasure to-do list.” (Yes, like that Aubrey Plaza movie.) Write down things you’re curious to try - solo or with someone else.

4. Pleasure and the Nervous System

Your pleasure is deeply connected to your nervous system. If you’re stuck in fight-or-flight, pleasure may feel unreachable - or even stressful.

That’s why we focus on regulate the nervous system, through practices that make your body feel safe and cared for. One student once told me she felt aroused just doing pelvic floor breathing. YES. That’s your body feeling safe enough to receive.

5. Dating Tips for Pelvic Pain Warriors

If you’ve been living in fear-town when it comes to dating (been there), start small.

✨ One date. ✨ One step. ✨ One clear boundaries.

You don’t owe anyone access to your body. You decide who gets to receive your energy.

Final Reminder

Whether you live with pelvic pain or not: You are a fucking Goddess. You are powerful. Knowing what you want - and asking for it - isn’t just brave. It’s sexy.